Heart of the Sun
Training Program
Self-Evaluation

Examples for Question 1: What is your greatest fear?

When you initially engage this question, your greatest fear is, for example, that your partner will leave you. That is a big fear for many people in relationship. It may be "up" for you right now. So, you sit with this answer and let the question percolate for a few more days while observing (and writing down) your reactions to the question and your subsequent thoughts. Ask why?
Though quite convinced about your greatest fear being the imminent loss of a partner, when you ask why, your mind wanders through some related fears like:

I am afraid he (she) will leave because I am so bossy (bitchy, domineering).
I am afraid no one else will want me (love me).
Iam afraid I wonąt make it on my own.

Now you are getting somewhere. It is good to take each one of these and write at least a brief essay about how you act it out. This question is packed with emotional charge, core beliefs, life patterns, etc. Fear is the simplest self-diagnostic tool to help identify and evaluate imbalance in your life and resistance on the spiritual path. This makes the first question an important one, any day of the week.

Insights:
This initial fear has helped identify a fundamental fear that most of us have in life , the fear we will not survive on our own. It is nothing to be ashamed of, but one of those big fears acquired at "The Fall". We are all born as helpless infants , dependent on those around us for our very lives. We have a start. Healing this fear is all about remembering who we are, reclaiming our greatness and our autonomy, about knowing we are not alone, and, ultimately, knowing that we are all one. It is also about shedding the patterns of getting needs met that are acquired through dependency, then co-dependency, and finally full enmeshment with another.

More examples for Question 1:
You are afraid of a natural disaster, even if it is not credible where you live.
You are afraid of a terrorist attack.
You are afraid to fly.
You fear pain and torture.
You are afraid of heights, or dogs, or snakes or ________ (fill in the blanks).

This set of fears brings forth some deeper issues like:
A fear of losing your home, roots, family, the niche of your belonging.
A fear that something will happen that is out of your control.
A fear that you will be isolated, disconnected, disabled.

More Insights:
These fears have to do with safety and loss , or vulnerability and need for protection. They imply an adversary/enemy. They distill to the fear of death. Why do we have such fear of pain and death? Firstly, death delivers us into the unknown. That is scary. Secondly, the collective unconscious imprints humanity with its own experience and humanity has experienced it all . We easily imagine what death feels like. Thirdly, someone may have influenced your beliefs by having had one of these experiences. Fourthly, you may believe all that you hear in the media.
What you have touched on is another big imprinting from "The Fall", the fear of the unknown. When humanity experienced "The Fall", it was unknown. As babies, we are born into this unknown. There is little certainty in this life, and that holds quite true of survival. Death is the big unknown.

Further Examples for Question 1:

You fear enslavement.
You fear debilitation by injury or disease.
You fear being left behind or left out.
At face value, these fears have to do with loss of freedom and autonomy. What happens when you dig a little deeper?
You fear being a burden to others.
You fear helplessness.
You fear abandonment by others.
You fear the unfairness of life.

Further Insights:
These fears have their root in primal fears of abandonment by "God" and the subsequent loss of freedom and control over destiny. It is easy to see their connection to "The Fall" and birth, where our levels of helplessness took on overwhelming proportions.

These examples may be quite different from your own answers. That is fine. Be a pioneer. Your life is unique. Just follow the steps and write down what you discover about yourself. There are no right or wrong answers but there are many levels of awareness , and those will deepen with time on the path.
The exercise here is clear enough, so clear in fact that it might easily be over-simplified. Make sure that you write about each of the fears that come up for you. Remember this is also going to be a rich resource for some work to come. The examples for this question are more extensive than for those that follow to provide a framework for your own self-awareness strategy.

Examples for Question 2: What is my strongest and most consistent emotional reaction?

This question is not complicated but does require that you face your behavior honestly. Most of us are aware of our emotional patterns, but sometimes they can be obscure. When you write about it, describe yourself "in action" with this emotion. Rather than writing what you think an answer should be, write more on the level of the "gut reaction."

Examples:
People just make me so angry! I am an angry person.
I am frustrated everyday at work.
I find myself feeling sorry for myself a lot. Maybe I am a real sufferer.
Everyone is always trying to rip me off. I do not trust anyone. I feel a victim.
I want to cry. I feel so sad about my life.
The world is against me. I am the perfect victim.
I do not care what anyone thinks or feels. I do what I want.
I can really go into fear, especially when people are talking about crime.
I worry about lots of things. My life feels out of control.
Sometimes I feel a blind rage, especially when innocent people are hurt. It is scary.
I hate being used.
I am jealous of other women who have a life I want.

Insights:
After you have identified the dominant emotional reaction, expand on it by writing about less prevalent reactions. You may find, as in our examples, that many reactions are related to the same emotion. For example, anger, frustration, rage and hate are all related to anger. It is a commonly expressed emotion in its many forms but, in some of us, is so repressed only the tip of the iceberg may be apparent.
Record what you feel about your emotional expression, how the emotion is expressed and what the consequences are for you and others. When you have exhausted your dominant emotion, look into the other common emotional expressions and evaluate how those are expressed in your life; like sadness, self-pity, fear, melancholy, grief, love, joy, etc. For example, those who cannot let go of someone in a finite grieving process will oftentimes hold onto everything in life, including toxic bodily waste. We express emotion at all levels of awareness. Look at them all.

Examples for Question 3:How do I get my wants, needs and desires met?

This question is loaded. It is the second question that requires an immediate answer, and then a number of days of contemplation. It may provoke a simple answer the first time around.

Examples:
I ask for what I want and I usually get it.
I wait for someone to feel sorry for me and they give me what I need.
I cultivate relationships with friends and we help each other.
I work for what I want.
I just take what I need. No one will miss what I take.

Insights:
If this is difficult for you to conceptualize, engage the help of friends, partners and family who may be more objective about your behavior. You will have to sort out what is theirs from what is yours but that is a worthy exercise in and of itself. You can easily take it to a deeper place using honesty. This means that you do not place blame for your tactics on anyone else. Remember all of this is illusion and your work is to dispel that illusion.

More Profound Examples:
I bully people into giving me what I want.
I manipulate others to get my needs met.
I use control to meet my needs.
I use suffering, weakness, ignorance or sympathy to get help.
I use my intelligence and work ethic to meet my needs.
My position of authority (power) allows me to use people to meet my needs.
I use my strength and charisma to get people to do what I want.
I barter away my power to get what I need to survive.

Insights:
These answers may be so honest that they sting. If you feel the sting, tell ego to be silent. The only reason we have ego pain is because we are unaware when ego is in power. This sense of stinging truth is indicative of an ego power play. It is important to give the upper hand to your higher self.
Take copious notes on these behaviors for future reference. This exercise can cleanse the palate of the bad taste that often results from "need-meeting." After the behavioral truth is established another related question can be asked: Why do I use these tactics to get my needs met? Engage that question in a similar way with your notebook.

Examples for Question 4:
How am I losing energy/power?
Energy is our power source. It is not that easy to come by, especially after years of habitually giving it away. Much of our work focuses on identifying these patterns of energy loss and learning to reclaim the power that is our potential. To begin, identify what you know of these losses.

Examples:
I lose my energy/power to the drama of others. Why am I in their drama?
I lose my energy/power in relationship by compromising my truth, or my needs.
I lose my energy/power serving others. That sounds so selfish!
I lose my energy/power when over stimulated visually, chemically, or with sound.
I lose my energy /power trying too hard to please others.
I lose my energy/power to addiction. I feel helpless in the face of "it".
I lose my energy/power by needing to assign blame to others for events in my life.
I lose my energy/power to feelings of self-pity and depression.

Insights:
You will, with a little contemplation, be able to identify many ways in which power is lost. Write about them in detail, and why you think you find yourself engaged in such activity. Clearly explain how you have ascertained this, what the power loss feels like, and what you have already tried to do about it.

Examples for Question 5: How do I handle problems?

Examples:
1. I look for someone else to fix it.
2. I feel helpless and nothing gets done.
3. I fix it myself because no one else can do it right.
4. I fix it myself, if I can, because I like to solve problems.
5. I pretend nothing is wrong and maybe it will go away.
6. I am part of a support group of friends who help each other out when they can.
7. I remember those who owe me favors and call them.
8. I call a friend and talk it all out. Sometimes it helps.

Insights:
Problems come in all shapes and sizes. What you are looking for here are tendencies to want other people to fix what is wrong with you or in your life as an autonomy issue. It may be, on the other hand, that you are a warrior usually in control and will try first to fix it yourself when you could ask others to help. There can be a super-achiever tendency in that answer or armor. Finding a balance can be difficult. Work with your initial answers to best understand your own tendencies. That is all we are after here.

Example for Question 6:What is the life pattern I have come to heal?

This question will take a good deal of contemplation unless it is a question you have already pondered. We have all come in with a wound to heal and that wound shows itself through the patterning in our lives. We find the theme to be ongoing until it is truly healed. It appears in those who push our buttons. Though we may not want to admit it, we embody and mirror it beautifully.

Examples:
1. Throughout your childhood and on into adulthood, you have been controlled or dominated by one of your parents. This makes you sensitive to their criticism, always in need of their approval, and angry (or even rageful) about your lack of freedom. When looking back on your life you see that you have succeeded in marrying or living with the equivalent of that parent, perhaps a number of times and the pattern of resentment continues.
2. Whenever you are confronted in your life, you yield to the other person. You have called yourself a peacemaker, a non-confrontational person, or a shrinking violet. However, when you look back at your life you see that each time you did yield or retreat, you lost something important to you, a dream did not come true, a goal was lost, or the like. You gave your power away to avoid confrontation. This indicates a life pattern of giving power away in the name of peace only it turns out to be more like surrendering your choices to someone elses, and you are never in your power.
3. When you were a little girl, your father left you with your mother and married someone else. He then had a second family with that woman. You understand that he abandoned you and your mother but you do not understand why you have walked through life in and out of relationships where you cannot make a commitment and neither can your partners. In fact you have chosen your partners for that "quality", so that no one will hurt you again.
4. While growing up, you had a smothering mother who cautioned you about everything like burning your hands, crossing the street, talking to strangers, other children who were not to her liking, and on, and on, into high school and it is likely on-going still. Though you are aware of her behavior and would like to think you are now in control of your life, a little fear trigger goes off each time she does it and/or each time to step out on your own in life. You live your life with tremendous restriction/limitation. Taking a chance is out of the question.
5. You are the kind of person who others can count on to help when they need you. Helping others makes you feel good, useful in fact. You now realize that others have the expectation that you will drop everything to help them, move to accommodate their needs, and stay with them as long as they need you. Your service-oriented lifestyle has given you what others perceive as the mobility and freedom to do that. You have tried to refuse people, especially when you have made other plans in your life, but they seem to have some power over you. No one feels the need to compensate you for your efforts. Early on you made it clear that your service was freely given.

Insights:
That is the idea. Look back at the events of your life; those that have been important to you, and those that have deeply hurt you. See if you can write it all out and begin to make a weaving of this pattern that you carry. This is one question that will likely be revised and reworked a number of times as you return to this self-evaluation and it is clearly linked to the next question.

Examples for Question 7: What is my greatest wound?

This question is the second stage of the previous question. Once the patterns are understood and thought about, try to identify the specific wound that they represent. It is often directly related to the patterning. On the other hand it could be something that parallels the patterning but is not part of it. It is common for the strongest emotional reaction to fit into the patterning as well. For our examples, we will use the 4 answers above.

Examples:
1. Our first person has the highest aspiration in life of freedom. Nothing can stand in the way of this freedom. The wound becomes the loss of freedom expressed as being controlled by others but also by controlling others (the mirror).
2. Our second person has the highest aspiration to be a peacekeeper. The wound is the price of yielding, loss of respect, loss of power, and the acquisition of a victim mentality. The mirror becomes the lack of peace in his/her own life.
3. Our third person has the highest aspiration to belong, to be part of something bigger than the individual. This longing comes from the feelings of abandonment and separation inflicted at the time of the parental breakup. The wound is clearly abandonment, and the mirror is the inability to commit to another.
4. Our fourth person has the highest aspiration of fearlessness - a release from bondage of fear. The wound is a fear of life as expressed by an inability to make choices and a fearful reaction to all challenges. The mirror comes by way of the magnetic attraction between fear and fearful events and the inability of the person to rise about the mundane to succeed.
5. In our fifth example, sacrifice in service has trapped our fifth person in a life that is not his/her own. A willingness to help out, which can now be viewed as a dependency issue, has allowed people to take advantage of him/her to the point that their own life never happens. The wound is self-sacrifice (maybe martyrdom) and the flip side of it is the dependency on the giving of self to feel good and worthy.

Insights:
It is easy to see the Catch-22 nature of our wounding. The school of life will never let us down. It will provide all that we need to become masters within easy reach of our every day lives. Those who play the roles of the adversary are our greatest teachers , to be honored and respected for fulfilling soul contracts with us.

Examples for Question 8: Who do I blame for misfortunes or missed fortunes in my life, and why?

Most of us pick up blaming from religious beliefs or the culture we grow up in. It needs to be the fault of someone else so that we are not responsible. This behavior has its origins in the idea of perfection, the only way to attain heaven. It is time to admit we are not meant to be perfect. Our imperfections, and those of others, are our teachers because they are great indicators of our work. From this perspective, we can take responsibility for what really belongs to us.

Examples:
It is the fault of my parents that I have turned out this way.
My husband is taking us down the fast track to financial disaster.
Mercury retrograde makes things go wrong for me.
She wanted this house. It was not my doing. She can fix the roof.
It is your fault the car needs fixing. You drive too fast.

Well this list is endless and reaches into all aspects of life. Once we begin getting blamed in life, usually as children by parents or siblings, it is natural to look for others to blame when we have done something ourselves. We blame disasters on Mother Nature, everything under the sun on our government, and even God gets a beating on occasion. Scapegoats have been around for a long time. The answers to this question give us areas of work where taking responsibility is the only way to move on our spiritual path. We will see how this works later on in this guide. For now, write it all down with passion and fervor.

Examples for Question 9: What are your spiritual beliefs?

We are shaped, as spiritual human beings, by many facets of the culture, including religion, family values, new thought in the written or spoken word, and the deeply intuitive knowing that may emerge as we become more autonomous on the spiritual path. This question is about stating your spiritual values and aspirations in writing along with an explanation of their origins.

Examples:
I have a good sense of right and wrong and the punishment that comes with wrongdoing.
Everyone cheats a little bit. If everyone does it, it must be okay.
I have a strong ethical sense and strong beliefs about justice.
My reward will be waiting for me in the next world if I live according to my religious beliefs in this one.
Suffering is part of life on earth. I joyfully participate in the suffering.
There is no afterlife. This life is all that counts, so I live it to the max.
I aspire to self-realization in this life and a conscious death at the end of this life.
Jesus died for my sins. I must be repentant to earn heaven.
My fate is written in the stars.
Judge not, lest you be judged.

There are many religious based beliefs to contemplate about life, death, and the meaning of it all. Take your time with this one and dig as deeply as you can into your childhood and young adulthood for the sources of these lifestyle values. Many Christian beliefs come right out of the bible, like the last of our examples. Other beliefs come from our families, culture, systems of justice, and humanitarian works.
The answers to this question will likely shift a great deal throughout your work of self-realization. Some religious beliefs will have to go and some will stay. You can look to new thought, self-help teachings, and the recent explosion of New Age ideas for some of your newer beliefs. Truth has been around forever but the ability to recognize it is a hard-won gift.

Example for Question 10: How do others see me?

Though a bit challenging, face this one with the undaunted spirit of adventure so needed on this path. For starters, write about how you feel people see you. When you have exhausted your own resources, turn to your friends and family for help. Do not be surprised if the way they see you differs from your own evaluation. One view counts no less than the other, so expect a number of suitable answers. Write it all down. This will come in handy much later in our work.

Example:
1. I am stable and reliable.
2. I am a fierce competitor, especially in the business world.
3. I am successful, wealthy, and secure.
4. I am compassionate and caring and maybe a little self-sacrificing.
5. I am gullible and have little discernment.
6. I am smart and a good problem-solver.
7. I am creative, artistic, flamboyant and a free spirit.
8. I can be grouchy, cranky, moody and negative.
9. I am often depressed, have low energy and appear unhappy.
10. I am the life of the party.
11. I am good-looking, present myself well, and care about appearances.

That is the idea. It is good to write down all that you feel about yourself before going afield for the opinions of others. Their can be shocking differences between the two, so be prepared to shift your perceptions about yourself and expand on the first assessment.

Revised Examples:
1. I am stable and reliable but a bit of a bore.
2. I am a fierce competitor whom others dislike for my lack of compassion.
3. I am successful, wealthy, and secure, and a snob.

Carry on from here with this critical self-evaluation.If you are alreayd an "over the top" self-critic, try to rise above that to be fair to yourself. Ego-pain is temporary. The awareness gained shifts consciousness on a grand scale giving power to higher self.

Examples for Question 11: What are my character strengths?

Think about qualities, emotional strengths, and gifts of awareness that you share with others on your Earthwalk. Again, you might benefit by asking others what they have seen in you.

Examples;
1. I am flexible and fluid, taking life as it unfolds.
2. I am like a strong oak tree, holding to my truth. I can be counted on.
3. I am filled with laughter and humor that lightens hearts.
4. I am a survivor.
5. I am quick to share with others even if I have just a little.
6. I can see the potential in every person, and encourage a person to reach for it.
7. I am a trustworthy confidant.
8. I am honest and true to my word.
9. I walk my talk.
10. I am helpful to others.
11. I am impeccable.

These are just a few out of many hundreds of possible strengths, which a person can bring forth in a lifetime. You have likely been told what your strengths are by friends and family as life has progressed, but it is a good exercise to think of those traits that others are not so aware of.

Examples for Question 12: What are my character weaknesses?

Perhaps the easiest way to touch on your weaknesses is to focus on the strengths that you see and admire in others that you seem to lack. We are all different, bringing different strengths and having different weaknesses. This is not about flaws. For some, it is about recognizing areas for growth. For others it is knowing what usually results in the loss of energy. For now, just note what they are in a non-judgmental way.

Examples:
I / I am:
bossy bitchy boring shy unsure
overbearing a whiner a complainer belligerent unreliable
proud nervous give up easily critical lose interest easily

Again, there are no right or wrong answers, so put down the first things that come to mind. Write about why you have these character traits, what supports them, and when they started. It is a good time to be at peace with the fact that no one on earth is perfect. We can strive for perfection but what that looks like must come from within and not from opinions that others have or have had for you. End this pair of questions with some writing. Think, feel and intuit about who you are becoming and turn that into a short but complete essay.

Examples for Question 13: What is my mission; The purpose of my soul?

This is one question that may not have a clear answer for some time to come. That is okay. Just write about what you think it might be. When you do come to know it, all that you have pursued and learned in your life will factor into it. For starters, it might be good just to dwell on the talents, skills and wisdom gained in your life, then guess where that might be going. This will be a favorite question to return to as your work of expanding awareness continues. Your purpose will be an action verb in infinitive form.

Credible examples:
1. To protect children
2. To support change
3. To connect people
4. To balance energy
5. To hold space
6. To build bridges
7. To negotiate peace
8. To create beauty

That is the idea for soul purpose. Avoid generalizations like; to heal, to love, and to lead.
These are not specific to a soul purpose so much as they are general aspirations for all those on the spiritual path. They will not give you an open door to the work of your soul. When you do find your purpose you will know it because it will give you bliss to engage it.

Question 14: Ask any further questions that are particularly important in your life.

The questions and answers are entirely in your hands. It might be helpful as your work continues to jot notes about questions to ask the next time you take the self-evaluation and ask them when question 14 come around.

Your evaluation is complete.

There is no one judging you except your own ego.